Home > diary, general, P > What do you fight about?

What do you fight about?


Most relationships have a ‘flashpoint’ – something that causes arguments; ones in which the same script is played over and over. Apparently the most common flashpoints are family (in-laws) and money.

While we do have those, P & I, we go all crazy over saying “sorry”. Often the ending of a fight is a bigger one, more acrimonious. We’d figured out in our first year in Mumbai that our resonance pattern was ‘small fight-big fight-big emotional makeup-eerie uncomfortable togetherness-small flashpoint & big fight-small fight-small fight’. So similar to seismic & geodesic tensions.

Why did we need the small fights to, in effect, get over a big one? At that time, it was unresolved issues. We’d often just conclude a big, emotionally-fraught argument with an ‘okay, but we love each other and we’ll just forget the stupid thing and move on’. Always a mistake. Because we were both communicators & needed to talk out the issue, resolve it, not just bury it in some quickly-dug-up sand.Now, the same pattern seems to be re-emerging. But it isn’t the lack of communication. Or maybe it is just that we talk so much and our talk is not of enough substance.
Now, mostly our fights are about the last fight and who apologized first or didn’t. Classic ego-issues? Or is it the need to just let out the emotional tension of the last eruption?

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